A Review: How to Raise a Wild Child

I've been reading a few books at the same time, so this one took me a bit longer than it would have normally, but it was so well worth it. A few days ago I gave a little glimpse into some of the thoughts How to Raise a Wild Child by Scott D. Sampson had me mulling over and now I am happy to share a few more insights with you.

This book was pretty much perfect. It was part parenting manifesto, part environmentalist love letter to childhood and nature, part practical. It was just the right amount of story, idealism and action plan, and I can't quite get over it. I was really worried that it would be a something that wasn't tangible, just a series of nice ideas with no real implementation possible or a lot of preachy-ness on things I already new about. But it wasn't that at all - instead, through personal stories, solid research, real life examples, and just pure passion, Dr. Scott relayed a series of concrete ideas and solutions that parents and educators can use to instill a love for nature in their children while simultaneously saving our education system, curing the obesity epidemic, and saving our planet. (Yes, he's left me THAT hopeful. The man should be our secretary of education and interior combined.)

Wonderful ideas aside, one of the best things about this book was the structure. Dr. Scott walks the reader through the issues our nation (our world, really) is facing in regards to a vanishing appreciation for and knowledge of nature and then does a wonderful job of linking it to the massive changes that have occurred in the last few decades in childhood and education (none of them that good). He then explores the role of the "nature mentor", a trusted adult who may or may not have a vast experience in the outdoors, who guides children, their own and possibly others, through nature exploration. Dr. Scott address each major developmental stage and looks at how parents and teachers can expand their children and students' natural horizons. And, in the last section of the book, he looks at a couple of other barriers and potential partnerships between children and nature, such as technology and the rewilding movement. He ends with an incredibly moving picture of a potential future, should we, parents and educators follow through with the many ideas and tips delivered in the book.

This is one of those books where I'm going to need to just purchase my own copy. Given some time to let everything sink in, I'll need to go back to consult or to revisit ideas (there are great summaries at the end of each chapter along with specific and concrete tips for raising a wild child), which is similar to how I felt after reading Kim John Payne's book, Simplicity Parenting (another recommended read). I also feel like this needs to be required reading for all educators. Dr. Scott is deft at picking up on the issues plaguing public education and offers real solutions that I know would move us in a tremendously different and better direction. I sincerely feel that working from the direction of the classroom, as well as the home, would be incredibly effective in making a change in how our nation views our environment.

I cannot say enough good things about this book, so I'm going to end with a list of things I truly just loved about the book:

• It was hopeful, encouraging, and non-preachy.
• There was a solid mix of story, example, and practicality - it was easy to get through and a joy to read.
• My heart sung during the sections discussing children's need to play to learn and I am determined to put together an outdoor playscape - I'd love to see this done at our local schools, as well!
• He mentioned Waldorf schools a bunch of times. 
• It was well organized and thoughtful; the concepts felt accessible. 
• I was left with so many ideas and plans it was almost overwhelming, but in a good way!

 Please, please, please pick up this book and read it. It is a must for parents who desire to be worthy living in this beautiful world and to make it worthy of our children. Whether it's something that just puts a fire under your bum to do more or inspires you with ideas you hadn't had before, it's totally worth the read!

Evolution

I've been thinking today, thinking about what I'm going to write.

I read an article about the brain development of 20 somethings.

I thought about the origins of my motherhood.

I considered my love/hate relationship with labels when applied to people. (I did realize I'm okay when labels are applied to things. I would prefer to not, you know, drink poison or something.)

I have grappled with self-identity.

And what have I come away with? Motherhood, like life itself, is a beautiful evolution.

A long time ago, but really not that long ago at all, when E. was a baby, I did something kind of foolish. I honestly don't remember what it was, but my husband called me out on it. My response: "My brain is still developing - you can't expect me to always make good decisions!" My brain, like my motherhood, has been evolving. And it's that biological evolution that has fueled, in part, the changes in how I mother my children.

I've always been upfront with the many disadvantages of having kids young. There is just so much risk to everything in your life - your finances, your relationships, your sanity (though, I suppose that's up for grabs no matter when you have kids), but there are advantages, too. One of the absolute coolest things about spending your early twenties amongst the wee ones is seeing how much you change, how quickly and how drastically. I am not the person I was seven years ago, when I was pregnant with E. And, of course, most people change a lot in seven years, especially moving from 19 to twenty-six, but that change only grows exponentially when you throw children into the mix.


I moved from a neanderthal living in a cave, in terms of self-awareness and understanding, to something resembling an evolved human being. I might still be living in the Dark Ages, fighting to reach my Renaissance, but I'm moving forward and I'm starting to like what I see in myself.

I thought this was interesting (it's from that article I mentioned above) -

[Geid] and his colleagues plan to compare the brain development of girls who become pregnant in their teens to girls who do not. “Teen pregnancy changes all your priorities and what you do with your time—how do those experiences change the brain?” Arnett agrees that such neuroimaging studies would be useful. “Even in industrialized countries, a lot of people still get married pretty early. You could do brain studies comparing people who experience their twenties differently and contrast how their brains develop.”

To give some context, right before the quote above, the article's author poses this question: "Should parents encourage their 20-year-olds to shirk adult responsibilities lest they hamper an advantageous period of self-discovery and wild experimentation?"

I bring up these quotes because while they don't directly contrast my feelings that having children compounds the evolution a person takes on between the beginning of young adulthood and the end, it seems to challenge it. Basically, the article implies that because a person who chooses to take on "adult responsibilities" (i.e. family of her own, real job, etc.) they are unable to participate in a period of "self-discovery" and "wild experimentation."

You find out what you're made of when you are confronted with a challenge, particularly one that involves taking another person's life into your hands. While maybe it doesn't feel that way all the time, because, in the 21st century world, the stakes can be much lower, becoming a parent means you make sure your little person doesn't accidentally off themselves or get eaten by a wild animal in your backyard (genuine concern here in Maine). With that and any myriad of potential cultural issues to concern yourself with, parenting is precisely what the article suggests twenty-somethings need to help their brains expand! (You tell me spending five nights in a row trying to both calm a colicky baby and then figure out whenever you're going to have sex with your husband again isn't wild experimentation!)

Having my kids, being married to my husband, going to my awesome job - those have forced me to change, molded my brain and my body in ways that nothing else could have. And the more I interact with these forces of will and love the more I love the person I am becoming. Yes, sometimes I sit back and I wonder about what my life would look like if I had made different choices, and I still see a good life, a happy life, but it's not this life. I can also see humans evolving to the point where they have mutant powers and can bend time with their psychic powers (#nerd), but I'm not going to lament over the fact that it hasn't happened (yet), as totally awesome as that would be.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a primordial tail to ditch and some prefrontal cortext to develop.*

*Totally just throwing those words out there. I'm not sure if I even know what they mean.  

Book Review: Simplicity Parenting

I just finished an amazing book and I need to share (I'm also participating in Mama Kat's writers' workshop this week). Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne was one of my latest reads and it's totally flipped my world and ways of thinking when in comes to my kids, my parenting, and how I manage my home and our family rhythm.

I suppose the thing that touched me the most about the content about the book is how the philosophy sits with me amongst all the other parenting "tips" I've read and heard since I had E. nearly six years ago. First of all, I have very mixed feelings about identifying with a particular philosophy or style, because it seems a bit silly to me. I mean, I don't think my mom described herself as an "AP" parent or "laissez faire" or anything else that I suspect she might describe as being nonsense. That said, I personally find a lot of comfort in have names for things - it makes it easier to identify what I like and feel good about/doing, and in this age of Google, having a label or name for something certainly makes it easier to gather more information.

So back to my point - when it comes to parenting style/philosophy, the tips and advice within Simplicity Parenting ride the fence nicely between gentle, AP style parenting and some of the ideas aligned with more traditional parenting (something my own parents and grandparents might be familiar with). Essentially, the idea is to make sure your children know you are the parent (there is none of this ridiculousness with lots and lots of choices, talking every little life event out, and letting the kids make most, if not all, of the calls in their day) and you're here to make things safe and calm and predictable, which is exactly what young children (kiddos under 7) need.

On the other side of that coin, however, is not an authoritarian dictator, but loving parent who takes the time to gently guide her children into life. As a parent, you make decisions for you children not from a place of what works best just for you nor just for the child, but for the family as a whole. Simplicity Parenting doesn't tout a child or parent centered world, but a family centered world. There is also an underlying understanding of what your child is trying to communicate with his or her actions, good or bad. Behavior, good or bad, is not something to reward or punish, but to be considered as a symptom of something larger happening in her world. When you figure out what that larger thing is, you can either fix it if it's causing negative behavior or you can encourage it if it's causing positive behavior.

Another point made in the book and applied in multiple areas is the idea of stepping back. Step back in the home's physical environment. Get rid of the stuff and clutter. Get rid of the toys (!!). This is the tip I took to the most quickly and have found the most success with so far (I've only just finished the book). We got rid of about 3/4 of the toys and other things in our house and it has improved things immensely. Step back in your day - for very young children and even kid's in the middle grades, there isn't much reason to have so many scheduled activities. Kids' days are so heavily scheduled with school that it is a release ("a breath out," so to speak) to come home and have nothing structured to do. Step back in your words - there is a lot of reasoning out of things and talking about things with kids these days. I know in the past I've spent a lot of time explaining myself to E. or tying to get her to use her words for things, too. It's easy to forget that children, even especially bright children, don't always fully comprehend what is happening or being said, even if they have a wonderful vocabulary and seem to sound "ready" for things, whether it's an explanation of why fishies must live in water or why they must go to bed now instead of later or why there are thousands dead after an earthquake they heard about on the news.
 

I also loved how the book was written. As I was perusing reviews on Amazon I noticed a pattern of people complaining about the writing style, that Mr. Payne sort of went on a bit and could have made his point more quickly and with few words. Yep, he sure could have, but there is a comforting, dreamy quality to the writing that caused me, at least, to slow down a bit and really think about what he was saying and why. I rather think those who complained that he "took too long" to get the point missed the whole point of the book - life is not supposed to be rushed through! Enjoy the journey as much as the result.

And lastly, if you're looking to begin to dip your toes into the world of Waldorf, this is the book. I dived right in and read a book of lectures and then Rahima Baldwin Dancy's book You are Your Child's First Teacher, which was great, but it's all very Waldorf and I feel a lot of those books leave you feeling with a bit of guilt, like, "Why didn't I know all this before having children! I've ruined them!" which is a feeling I really dislike, but I also know to take a lot of these things with a grain of salt. I think that if I had read Simplicity Parenting first, I would have left a lot of that guilt behind. Plus, Waldorf, for those who are less...I don't want to say less open-minded, but are maybe a little leery of New Age-y kind of stuff, but anyway, Waldorf can seem a little strange, and if you read this book first and you get the basic parameters of the Waldorf education/parenting philosophy, the stranger stuff doesn't seem so strange, or you can at least look past it and enjoy the universally really wonderful things that come with it.

And that concludes my much longer than intended review of Kim John Payne's wonderful book, Simplicity Parenting.

Things I Learned in Kindergarten

The months before Kindergarten were a struggle for me and my daughter. It's easy to be deceived by her similar appearance to me and penchant for big words and dramatics. It's easy for me to be tricked into thinking, She's just like me. Oh, but she is not. She is so, so different. And it was in the forgetting of that which caused a great deal of strife in that nerve-wracking and tumultuous time before school started.

Before Kindergarten, I would constantly ask myself (or even aloud), "Why is she doing that?" And the behavior I just couldn't make sense of would frequently be framed in a negative light, no matter how I tried to be positive.

Things are different now, after a few months of school, watching her in her classroom as I volunteer, seeing other children, talking to other parents, newbs like me and old parenting veterans, and speaking with her teacher, someone young, enthusiastic, and with a fresh eye on my kiddo that I don't easily have access to. 

That stubbornness? Independence. She doesn't need anyone's help, not mine, not yours, not that random kid who thinks he knows it all. That callousness? Well, it's not that she doesn't care, because to see her with her classmates, she does. She helps those in need with gentle reminders and doesn't tattle. But she's not beholden to anyone. She's not here to please and she wants to be happy. She hasn't yet, and I hope she never will, fallen into that horrible female trap of needing to please. She'll be nice, she's going to help the needy, but she'll be damned if she's going to change her life to make you  feel better.

We're different, my little girl and I, but we're different in a way to puzzle pieces are. They're differing shapes allow those pieces to snap together to form a connection and a fuller picture. I will help her find her balance, and she'll help me find mine. Raising a child, raising a daughter, is a long journey for any mother, but the more willing I become to see all her differences for the beautiful things that they are, the ever so slightly easier this all becomes.

Because, in the end, opposites attract. 

First Light

Before I was staying at home, I would be driving to work at this time, watching the sun come up in pinks and purples over our little range of mountains. The colors and time alone would fill my soul and make me ready for the day.

I don't have those quiet morning drives any more. I don't get up extra early to sneak out the door before little ones are awake enough to miss me. So, now I fill my soul bit by bit with these little sips of first light coming through my windows each of these early mornings. Maybe I've secured myself twenty minutes to take a shower (not so this morning) or perhaps we're fast out of the gate, scrambling to get ready for school. Either way, I take what sweet moments to collect myself that I can and make myself ready for our day.

How We Celebrate

Sunlight, that sweet smell of fall leaves full of crunch, the taste of perfect apples right off the tree - this was our Michaelmas. We went apple picking at a local orchard and picked so many apples that have slowly been turned into crisps, apple sauce, a pie (hiding out in the freezer until Thanksgiving), and school snacks.

Apples led to a brief exploration of a town we didn't know so well, eating one of those apple crisps and a blackberry crisp, all followed by a candle-lit retelling of my version of the story of St. Michael, featuring Daddy as the dragon and E. as the fearless, dragon-defeating saint.

Not long ago I was asked why we were choosing to celebrate these old holidays, these days that so few in our country know about or pay attention to. Why celebrate something that doesn't have a Hallmark card all ready for you to grab or designated section for that holiday that's set up months in advance? Well, that's why. For once, I said to them, it feels so good to celebrate something for the sake of celebrating it, to understand the meaning and to not be bogged down by the commercialism (you see, I'm getting in touch with my inner Charlie Brown).

In our crazy busy world that marks the most deeply entrenched traditions in our lives with department store holiday displays and wintery commercials in October, all along with the push to buy, buy, buy, it is such a relief to NOT. HAVE. TO. DO. ANYTHING. Do nothing, but be with one another and look deeply into ourselves and our family to see how closely the traditions and people of the past touch our lives.


 

Popping in with Half a Thought

Did you know being a mom is exhausting? It is so, so tiring?! Where are these bloggy ladies getting all this time to write beautiful blog posts and take perfectly composed pictures and make all this delicious stuff? (It should be noted that I take a lot of time late at night reading other really awesome blogs.) Clearly their priorities are different than mine. (I watched two hours' worth of Scandal today.) Or maybe their sweet babies have regular (read: "normal") eating habits and, actually, I don't know...sleep. (I nursed M. for about two hours' worth of those Scandal episodes today. He slept for maybe half of one.)

While I've been trying to find a rhythm that fits nicely with our family, I've been trying to carve out time for me to write within that rhythm. It's part of that whole idea that Mama needs something for herself on top of everything else she does.

But, damn, I do a whole lot.

Grumpy Mama

There were supposed to be pictures...but I lost the camera.

It was my mom's camera.

Ugh.

We went camping this weekend, and I loved it. I went four-wheeling for the first time in years (years!) and felt like a real red neck woman without guilt. We stayed up late with a bonfire and some beers (well, I didn't have a beer, but it was nice to see others with one...and maybe I did have a sip or two of Pumpkin Head).

But, damn, am I tired. And that camera is still lost.

And I am one grumpy mama.

"What do you do when you feel grumpy?" I would ask E. when she's got her fists balled up and that scowl on her face.

What does a grumpy mama do?

Deep breaths, nurse the baby, eyes closed, make my big girl laugh. Sometimes.

Stamp feet, snappy voice, not-so-kind words. Sometimes.

What makes a grumpy mama feel better? Sleepy babies in bed (after some giggles that make the roughness from before a bit smoother), a movie with my biggest love, new polish on my nails. Being home again.

Grumpy mama is glad to be home again.