1. Use your words...less. Whether it's giving E. directions or answering one of her many questions, the less I say, the more I get. Commands are simply and gently stated, but they are still commands ("Brush you teeth," versus "Could you please go brush you teeth?"). Questions need answering, but she doesn't need my somewhat exhaustive answers, rooted in history or science. Sometimes those sweet fairy tale-esque answers are just fine or even the occasional, "I don't know."
In life the words you leave out are just as important as the ones you include. I'm a talker (you may have picked that up if you've read this blog enough), but I've had to learn to parse and watch my words and this whole "thinking before you speak" stuff has helped me beyond making sure E. gets herself together before we step out of the house.
2. "But Mama, you're so pretty!" Sometimes she might saying it to suck up to me, but you can't deny that earnest and slightly baffled look when E., queen of the selfie, begs me to let her take my picture and I'm more than a bit reluctant. It's easy to forget sometimes that I am E.'s first standard of feminine beauty (I promise I'm not as arrogant as that just sounded) and body image confidence. It's also easy to forget I'm not quite as hideous looking as I seem to think I am (despite my husband reminding me pretty frequently I'm not hideous at all), but having E. around has reminded that not only do I need to at least pretend that I think I'm beautiful, but there might even be some truth behind it.
3. Get out and meet people! I'm a huge homebody and despite my pretty gregarious personality, I actually hate meeting new people. When E. was a baby and toddler, it wasn't such a problem. All she needed was me and daddy! But now that she's older, play dates are starting to become THE thing to do, which means mama has to *gasp* talk to other parents who I might not already know. It's been hard, especially when I really have no idea who a kid's parents are and I have to make a phone call in order to get together (I haaaate making phone calls), but I've been doing it.
4. It's not a race. If you're a parent you probably already know this, but kids, especially the small ones, really feed off your energy. If you're stressed out and racing around, they're going to be very much out of sorts. It took me a while, but the mornings where I was more relaxed and took my time getting everybody ready for the day, the more likely we were to actually get out of the house and to school on time. If I was a crazy lady, pushing through things as quickly as I could, those were the mornings where everything went to hell, and we'd even had forgotten the hand basket.
5. You can say please...But you don't have to be a people pleaser. Well, E. could still use some work on her manners, as is the case for most five year olds, but I've given up on having one of those smiley, ever-so-sweet little girls. E. knows what she wants and is very confident in telling people. She'll tell you she really liked something or really didn't. No, she will not hug/kiss you if she doesn't want to (and I'm not going to make her). And while she will certainly wait politely for her turn for a piece of birthday cake, she'll certainly make the request for the one with the purple flower.
E. has a confidence about her that I never had, and I always felt like I was a pretty confident kid and then adult. While she does care, to an extent, about what people think, I don't think it's on the top of her mind, like it has been for me for much of my life. Having E. for a daughter has shown me to take joy in myself and to worry less about the opinions of others and that it's not always my job to make sure people are happy.
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