Book Review: Simplicity Parenting

I just finished an amazing book and I need to share (I'm also participating in Mama Kat's writers' workshop this week). Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne was one of my latest reads and it's totally flipped my world and ways of thinking when in comes to my kids, my parenting, and how I manage my home and our family rhythm.

I suppose the thing that touched me the most about the content about the book is how the philosophy sits with me amongst all the other parenting "tips" I've read and heard since I had E. nearly six years ago. First of all, I have very mixed feelings about identifying with a particular philosophy or style, because it seems a bit silly to me. I mean, I don't think my mom described herself as an "AP" parent or "laissez faire" or anything else that I suspect she might describe as being nonsense. That said, I personally find a lot of comfort in have names for things - it makes it easier to identify what I like and feel good about/doing, and in this age of Google, having a label or name for something certainly makes it easier to gather more information.

So back to my point - when it comes to parenting style/philosophy, the tips and advice within Simplicity Parenting ride the fence nicely between gentle, AP style parenting and some of the ideas aligned with more traditional parenting (something my own parents and grandparents might be familiar with). Essentially, the idea is to make sure your children know you are the parent (there is none of this ridiculousness with lots and lots of choices, talking every little life event out, and letting the kids make most, if not all, of the calls in their day) and you're here to make things safe and calm and predictable, which is exactly what young children (kiddos under 7) need.

On the other side of that coin, however, is not an authoritarian dictator, but loving parent who takes the time to gently guide her children into life. As a parent, you make decisions for you children not from a place of what works best just for you nor just for the child, but for the family as a whole. Simplicity Parenting doesn't tout a child or parent centered world, but a family centered world. There is also an underlying understanding of what your child is trying to communicate with his or her actions, good or bad. Behavior, good or bad, is not something to reward or punish, but to be considered as a symptom of something larger happening in her world. When you figure out what that larger thing is, you can either fix it if it's causing negative behavior or you can encourage it if it's causing positive behavior.

Another point made in the book and applied in multiple areas is the idea of stepping back. Step back in the home's physical environment. Get rid of the stuff and clutter. Get rid of the toys (!!). This is the tip I took to the most quickly and have found the most success with so far (I've only just finished the book). We got rid of about 3/4 of the toys and other things in our house and it has improved things immensely. Step back in your day - for very young children and even kid's in the middle grades, there isn't much reason to have so many scheduled activities. Kids' days are so heavily scheduled with school that it is a release ("a breath out," so to speak) to come home and have nothing structured to do. Step back in your words - there is a lot of reasoning out of things and talking about things with kids these days. I know in the past I've spent a lot of time explaining myself to E. or tying to get her to use her words for things, too. It's easy to forget that children, even especially bright children, don't always fully comprehend what is happening or being said, even if they have a wonderful vocabulary and seem to sound "ready" for things, whether it's an explanation of why fishies must live in water or why they must go to bed now instead of later or why there are thousands dead after an earthquake they heard about on the news.
 

I also loved how the book was written. As I was perusing reviews on Amazon I noticed a pattern of people complaining about the writing style, that Mr. Payne sort of went on a bit and could have made his point more quickly and with few words. Yep, he sure could have, but there is a comforting, dreamy quality to the writing that caused me, at least, to slow down a bit and really think about what he was saying and why. I rather think those who complained that he "took too long" to get the point missed the whole point of the book - life is not supposed to be rushed through! Enjoy the journey as much as the result.

And lastly, if you're looking to begin to dip your toes into the world of Waldorf, this is the book. I dived right in and read a book of lectures and then Rahima Baldwin Dancy's book You are Your Child's First Teacher, which was great, but it's all very Waldorf and I feel a lot of those books leave you feeling with a bit of guilt, like, "Why didn't I know all this before having children! I've ruined them!" which is a feeling I really dislike, but I also know to take a lot of these things with a grain of salt. I think that if I had read Simplicity Parenting first, I would have left a lot of that guilt behind. Plus, Waldorf, for those who are less...I don't want to say less open-minded, but are maybe a little leery of New Age-y kind of stuff, but anyway, Waldorf can seem a little strange, and if you read this book first and you get the basic parameters of the Waldorf education/parenting philosophy, the stranger stuff doesn't seem so strange, or you can at least look past it and enjoy the universally really wonderful things that come with it.

And that concludes my much longer than intended review of Kim John Payne's wonderful book, Simplicity Parenting.