Grumpy Mama

There were supposed to be pictures...but I lost the camera.

It was my mom's camera.

Ugh.

We went camping this weekend, and I loved it. I went four-wheeling for the first time in years (years!) and felt like a real red neck woman without guilt. We stayed up late with a bonfire and some beers (well, I didn't have a beer, but it was nice to see others with one...and maybe I did have a sip or two of Pumpkin Head).

But, damn, am I tired. And that camera is still lost.

And I am one grumpy mama.

"What do you do when you feel grumpy?" I would ask E. when she's got her fists balled up and that scowl on her face.

What does a grumpy mama do?

Deep breaths, nurse the baby, eyes closed, make my big girl laugh. Sometimes.

Stamp feet, snappy voice, not-so-kind words. Sometimes.

What makes a grumpy mama feel better? Sleepy babies in bed (after some giggles that make the roughness from before a bit smoother), a movie with my biggest love, new polish on my nails. Being home again.

Grumpy mama is glad to be home again.

The Last of the Bounty

The last week has been a bit of an up and down, weather wise. Monday, when I brought E. to school, I had M. in a fleece hat and and snuggled in the carrier. Today? Baby and I sweat it out in the dance studio - and we weren't the ones dancing!

Rhythmically, this week has been a lot like the weather. We've had our pretty incredible share of car issues, I started my new job, E. started ballet and tap lessons, the mister was home an extra day, we're getting ready to go away for the weekend, and E. is still adjusting to going to school. I'm exhausted just thinking about all if it and whatever footing we gained last week completely went out the window.

But today we tried to bring back some of that soothing quiet back into our lives. Between nasty rain and thunder storms, M. and I got outside and picked what little was left of our blackberries.

At this point in the year, they're really not that tasty. The berries are a bit shrivelled and more bitter than sweet. Gone are those addictive bursts of juicy-sweet tartness. But now it's not so much about the berries themselves, but the act of harvesting - the soothing rocking back and forth with the occasional pause to kiss a baby's head.

The blackberries are just about gone (though I have loads waiting in the freezer for a Michaelmas feast), the leaves are just starting to let the color start at their tips, and I can imagine that after this week is done, the humid days of 90 degree weather are, for the most part (I hope!!) behind us. The last of the summer bounty, for my home at least, has come in, and I can feel that desperate need to slow down so our bones can settle in for the winter

Kindergarten Questions

Okay, so, first of all, here is the required, ADORABLE picture of E. on her first day of Kindergarten:

 

She's pretty darn cute, right?

School has been okay so far. The first couple of days, while drop off was difficult, had gone really well. E. was excited to go, pleased with her new classroom and friends and teacher. But as our week has gone on, the words, "But the day is so long!" have been heard more than once. Yesterday, as we got ready for school, there was a refusal to get dressed, E. hiding under the covers, unwilling to get out.

"I don't want to go! I want to stay home!"

Part of me very much wanted to say, "Okay!" but, of course, I did not. I coaxed her out with promises to visit the playground after school and a favorite supper that night. We got her to school and she went in without a problem for the first time all week.

I left the school building, torn. I knew she was going to be fine. But, I would then say, what about better than fine? I know I have brought this up before, but it's still eating me up inside. I'm not entirely sure I could provide better than fine, I'm not sure if I should try, because although I am at home now, I'm not entirely sure I will be next year. With things so up in the air, it's hard to make plans, and while I don't know for sure her school is the best place she can be, I know it wouldn't be ideal to be changing things around a lot in just a school year or two. Above all, I know she needs consistency.

I want to provide a childhood for my daughter that speaks to the very best parts of her world, and I don't know if that's happening right now (both at home and at school - I'm not going to lay this all at the feet of the public school system). So, for now, E. goes to school. I try to make a healing rhythm at home. We both make new friends and learn new things. And we wait and see and hope that it will be better than fine.

A Taste of Michaelmas

As I've been exploring Waldorf education and Rudolph Steiner's philosophy I couldn't help but stumble across the immense amount of holidays and festivals that are celebrated in Waldorf schools and home schools or by families who identify with Steiner's beliefs. While I was raised in a Christian household and am married to a Catholic (who seems to have all sorts of hidden holidays I didn't know about), a lot of these Christian oriented festivals and their corresponding stories were new to me. What's more, I was drawn into the effort as well as simplicity (if such a thing were possible) the parents put forth in making these somewhat obscure days special for their little ones. 

My own bit of fluff - trying my hand at making a Waldorf inspired hand kite

 Of course, as one learns about Waldorf education, you realize that it is about so much more than sweet little natural toys, making flower crowns, and celebrating the summer solstice (I love this bit from Waldorf Essentials about the "fluff" families are often drawn to in Waldorf). It truly embraces the belief of making childhood count for something (something good and beautiful), but I suppose one of those things that helps make childhood all it should be is celebrating. And celebrating different seasonal holidays is a wonderful way to create a feeling of rhythm throughout the year (and months and weeks and days), something strongly encouraged in Waldorf education and any mother who wants to stay sane. 

Michaelmas is the next upcoming festival (September 29) and as a family we've decided it's something we'd like to celebrate. Now, for those of you who aren't in the know, Michaelmas, as I understand it (if you are in the know and see something off in the explanation to come, let me know!) is a celebration of a couple of things: One, the battle of archangel Michael and his subsequent defeat of Lucifer, which is often shown as a knight defeating a dragon (St. George is wrapped up in this is as well since he is a noted dragon slayer apparently). Two, Michaelmas is also associated with harvest celebrations, where people partake in the bounty of the wood and field (geese and blackberries where two common food related themes I had noticed).

Below is a children's story that I told (and later wrote in very rough form) to my daughter. It is the story of St. Michael made a wee bit tamer for the five year old set as well as brining in the harvest festival elements so often associated with the festival. If you like you're more than welcome borrow the story to tell your own little ones, but I do recommend telling the story sans text. Little ones love to be told a story, and even if you think you're lousy at it (I know I am), it will be enjoyed nonetheless, trust me.

Mama's Michaelmas Story

Once upon a time, in a beautiful land filled with farms and fields, lakes and rivers, forests, hills and mountains. Many animals lived in this land: deer, boar, wolves, squirrels, and even frogs and toads! The people who lived in this land were good people, they worked hard, cared for their land and the animals that lived in it, and loved one another very much.

As good as things were most of the time, there was one big problem. In the mountains, not too far way, there was a dragon. He was as green as an emerald, with jet black eyes, and was as big as a house. This dragon would watch the people of the land in their villages, happily taking care of their homes, fields, and each other and it would make the dragon, who lived all alone in the cold mountains, very angry.

So, once a year, just as the people were finishing gathering the harvest, mending their woolen winter clothes, and readying their homes and animals for the long winter, the dragon would come and burn one of the villages down to the ground. The people of that village would lose everything – all their food, all their clothes, even some of their cows and sheep, which the dragon would eat right up! The people of the village the dragon had chosen to burn that year would be very sad and worry, because they had lost all they had prepared for the long hard winter and didn't know how they would survive.

In one of the other nearby villages, there was a young knight named Michael. He had seen the village that was burned down and had many friends there. It made him very upset to see people he cared so much about with nothing just before wintertime, especially when they had just worked so hard to prepare everything they would need. He helped his friends from the burned village find places to stay for the winter and new clothes, but he still felt angry. Every year this happened and it just wasn't fair!

No one wanted to fight the dragon. The people of this land were a peaceful people and not many kept things like swords and shields. Besides, the people were very afraid of the dragon – he was so big and fierce and they were so small! But Michael did have a sword, one he had made himself, and a shield as well, and he was just upset enough to finally say, “I will go to that dragon and I will defeat him!” The villagers were proud of Michael and as he left his village they gave him many supplies: a horse to make him fast, food to fill his belly and help keep up his strength, and a shining cloak of gold and red, as bright as any dragon's fire.

Michael road his horse across the land, towards the mountains. He galloped through open fields, trotted through narrow forest paths, and crossed over rough and gravelly hills. Finally, he came to the dragon's mountain.

He stood at the base of the mountain and summoned as much courage as he could. He called out, “Dragon, I dare you to come down and fight me!” He waited for a moment, but there was no answer.

He called again, louder, “Dragon, I DARE you to come down and fight me!” Again, there was no answer.

Michael was starting to not feel so brave. He thought about how big the dragon was and how he could breathe fire and eat huge cows in one swallow. He knew he had to call out to the dragon again, so he started to think of his friends and family back home, especially those who had no home this year, and the ones who didn't have a place to last winter last year, and how this happened every year. Finally, he was ready to call out again, and when he did, it felt as though everyone who wanted that dragon defeated was calling out with him. Do you want the dragon defeated? Call out with Michael if you do!

“Dragon, I DARE YOU TO COME DOWN AND FIGHT ME!”

From a high, high rocky ledge, the dragon leaped down, green wings spread wide, smoke coming from his nostrils, a sneer on the dragon's face.

“You think you can defeat me?” The dragon chuckled, getting ready to swallow Michael in one gulp.

“I will defeat you, dragon!” Michael yelled, getting ready to fight, even though he was pretty sure the dragon would just burn him to a crisp.

The dragon stopped and looked at the small night with his dragon-fire cloak. “Hmmm,” he said, “You know, no one has ever challenged me before. Everyone usually just runs and hides and isn't as brave as you. I'm impressed. I'll let you fight me. I could really just burn you to a crisp now, but instead I'll give you a go. Let's fight, little knight!”

And so the fight began. The dragon would blow his fire and Michael would leap aside. Michael would run to skewer the dragon with his sword, but the dragon would suddenly fly into the air. The knight and the dragon would go back and forth, blowing fire and parrying with the sword. Eventually, the two of them began to grow tired, and Michael would land a blow or the dragon would singe the knight a bit, but nothing to cause any serious damage. After a while, Michael and the dragon became so exhausted they had to stop fighting, unable to go on, but neither defeated.

The dragon, who was really a coward at heart, knew that if they continued to fight, no one would win, or worse, he would be defeated. As Michael struggled to get up and continue the fight, the dragon yelled, “Stop! I won't fight you any longer. I'll go away and never bother you or your family or your land's villages again.”

“But I don't want you to harm anyone ever again. I must defeat you!” The knight and the dragon looked at each other, waiting to see what the other would do next. Finally, Michael had an idea. He had looked around him, at the cold, dreary mountainside where the dragon lived. It was hard and colorless, devoid of life. It seemed it would be a lonely life, living here, lonely enough to make any creature bitter and angry, let alone a grumpy old dragon.

“Now I'll make a deal with you, dragon. Let me go free and promise to never hurt anyone, and I mean anyone ever again, and the villagers and I will make a feast for you. We'll do it every year, right at this time, and you can come and fill your belly for the long winter right along with us. At the end of the feast you can make a huge bonfire for us to warm ourselves by and celebrate the end of the harvest.”

The dragon thought for a moment, considering the knight's offer. “Yes, I will agree to this, but with one condition.”

“What's that?” Michael asked.

“You'll make a special treat just for me. Though, maybe I'll share it, if I feel like it.” Michael agreed.

The dragon brought Michael (and his horse) back home again and Michael told the villagers about his battle with the dragon and the deal he had made. That very night the villagers had their first feast, celebrating Michael's bravery right along with the end of their bountiful harvest. The dragon filled his belly, as did the villagers, and all went home happy and no longer worried about being left out in the cold.

For many years feast for Michael and the dragon were held, even long after Michael and the dragon where gone. Once the dragon was gone, people would still leave food out for the dragon, just in case. Or people would bring things to others in need, lonely and cold like the dragon before them.