Dust Bowl

July, so far, has been a month of flux for me. There are many things in the works and the dust is still in the air.

Some things that are happening:

• Still (mostly) plugging away at the Whole30. Results on that front next week. And I'm starting the 21 Day Fix on the 20th. *Big Scared Grin*
• Graduate school has been applied to, interview had, and acceptance letter hopefully in the mail, along with a financial aid package, likely chock full of student loans. Yay? 
• Spiritual stirrings are afoot. My personal belief system is not something I like to discuss publicly. I will happily talk religion and spirituality, in fairly general terms, all day long, but the depth of my beliefs and how they work aren't something I really like to discuss, at least not in this public of a forum. However, things have been happening my heart, and it would seem dishonorable to not mention them if I'm going to list things that are "happening." 
• My mom and I are working on a project together. We are meeting once a week to work on it. If I say any more my mom will kill me. But, okay, I will also mention it's awesome. 
•  I have started teaching my summer classes. I am teaching a legit, several student, need a lesson plan, have to write stuff on the board math class (if you took a math class with me in high school try not to laugh to hard). I'm also pulling together three reasonably individualized novel studies and trying to get a handful of students through as much of the HiSET as possible before mid-August. God help us all.
• I ran two miles yesterday without stopping. I haven't done that in about a year. I love my body and all it can do. 

I'm looking forward to the dust settling and seeing the lay of the land. Until then, keeping my face covered and hoping for the best.

Everything Floats

The day has been hot and as I fall into the cool water, much, besides my sweat and the ache in my muscles, is shed.

I float. Every bit of me floats, and I smile as I look down. It is dark, the murmur of NPR in the background, and no one can see. In this moment, as I am entwined in my cocoon during my transformation, I love my body. I am allowed to love it, and not because I am alone, or that it is so dark, or because I must, but because I want to. It's an easy love, and I dive back into the water, letting it glide over my skin.

I decide that I am done with the self-loathing. I had told myself to stop this a long time ago, have talked about it, I think even written about it, but this time I know that it's really gone.

It's nice to hear, but I don't need those compliments any more. I don't want approval from anyone. I will just happily wear my skin, my muscles and bones, my fat, and I will love it. I will watch it change, too. I will watch it like one watches a sunrise, in aw of each phase and its beauty, until the sun is fully risen and we can't imagine it any other way.

Yes, everything floats when I'm in the water, but that only makes it easier to see, better to admire.

IT CAME! A Erin Condren Pictorial Unboxing

I love the packaging for these planners. Absolutely lovely. (Also, book photo bomb.)

My little pile of freebies: a cute little sticker I gave to E., a postcard, and....

Woohoo! Free cover for my planner! (Already ordered and on it's way.)

And now on to the really good stuff!

Two pen holders for my two planners and a packet of "Keep It Together" bands that coordinate with the cover of my new planner.

The new cover to my old planner. Perfect for summer!

As previously mentioned, I'm a quote junkie. I like to have something meaningful on the cover of my planner, because it's something I see several times a day. I like these little reminders. If you can't see this clearly, it says, "You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore."

And the new planner!! It's an 18 month-er and I'm so pumped to start using it tomorrow! My previous planner is going to be strictly for school planning. (Also, baby hand photo bomb!)

A Review: How to Raise a Wild Child

I've been reading a few books at the same time, so this one took me a bit longer than it would have normally, but it was so well worth it. A few days ago I gave a little glimpse into some of the thoughts How to Raise a Wild Child by Scott D. Sampson had me mulling over and now I am happy to share a few more insights with you.

This book was pretty much perfect. It was part parenting manifesto, part environmentalist love letter to childhood and nature, part practical. It was just the right amount of story, idealism and action plan, and I can't quite get over it. I was really worried that it would be a something that wasn't tangible, just a series of nice ideas with no real implementation possible or a lot of preachy-ness on things I already new about. But it wasn't that at all - instead, through personal stories, solid research, real life examples, and just pure passion, Dr. Scott relayed a series of concrete ideas and solutions that parents and educators can use to instill a love for nature in their children while simultaneously saving our education system, curing the obesity epidemic, and saving our planet. (Yes, he's left me THAT hopeful. The man should be our secretary of education and interior combined.)

Wonderful ideas aside, one of the best things about this book was the structure. Dr. Scott walks the reader through the issues our nation (our world, really) is facing in regards to a vanishing appreciation for and knowledge of nature and then does a wonderful job of linking it to the massive changes that have occurred in the last few decades in childhood and education (none of them that good). He then explores the role of the "nature mentor", a trusted adult who may or may not have a vast experience in the outdoors, who guides children, their own and possibly others, through nature exploration. Dr. Scott address each major developmental stage and looks at how parents and teachers can expand their children and students' natural horizons. And, in the last section of the book, he looks at a couple of other barriers and potential partnerships between children and nature, such as technology and the rewilding movement. He ends with an incredibly moving picture of a potential future, should we, parents and educators follow through with the many ideas and tips delivered in the book.

This is one of those books where I'm going to need to just purchase my own copy. Given some time to let everything sink in, I'll need to go back to consult or to revisit ideas (there are great summaries at the end of each chapter along with specific and concrete tips for raising a wild child), which is similar to how I felt after reading Kim John Payne's book, Simplicity Parenting (another recommended read). I also feel like this needs to be required reading for all educators. Dr. Scott is deft at picking up on the issues plaguing public education and offers real solutions that I know would move us in a tremendously different and better direction. I sincerely feel that working from the direction of the classroom, as well as the home, would be incredibly effective in making a change in how our nation views our environment.

I cannot say enough good things about this book, so I'm going to end with a list of things I truly just loved about the book:

• It was hopeful, encouraging, and non-preachy.
• There was a solid mix of story, example, and practicality - it was easy to get through and a joy to read.
• My heart sung during the sections discussing children's need to play to learn and I am determined to put together an outdoor playscape - I'd love to see this done at our local schools, as well!
• He mentioned Waldorf schools a bunch of times. 
• It was well organized and thoughtful; the concepts felt accessible. 
• I was left with so many ideas and plans it was almost overwhelming, but in a good way!

 Please, please, please pick up this book and read it. It is a must for parents who desire to be worthy living in this beautiful world and to make it worthy of our children. Whether it's something that just puts a fire under your bum to do more or inspires you with ideas you hadn't had before, it's totally worth the read!

Here We Go Again...

Have you ever gone body surfing at the ocean? You know, you wait for that perfect wave to come in, then you sort of jump and lunge forward and hope that it will carry you forward, allowing you to glide smoothly into shore? I'm a so-so body surfer. Sometimes I nail it, surfing onto the beach in such a way that it feels like flying. Or I just sort of get sucked under and tumble around a bit, cuing all the scary stories I've heard about people breaking their necks while doing this.

I always have an undercurrent of desire to be healthier and lose weight, but my desire to pursue it tends to come in waves. Sometimes I ignore the wave, letting it wash over me, and other times I try to surf it. Some goes are better than others, but I've net to really get it, to glide in to shore feeling fit and healthy and being able to stay that way.

Well, I feel another wave coming on. I feel motivated, ready to push aside bad habits and pick up some good ones. I don't know how this ride into shore is going to go, but I'm hoping this might be it. I know I can't expect perfection, because that will defeat me before I even really start - I have to be gentle with myself and know that if I screw up in some capacity that all is not lose and it's not an excuse to just stop.

So, as with any time I do something like this, I have a plan, and this is it:

• I'm going to try the Whole30...again. I did this last year with lots of success in terms of weight-loss (about 15 lbs. in 11 days), but I felt junky almost the whole time. I'll be honest, I'm going for it again mostly for the weight-loss, BUT there is a part of me that the whole, "It'll change you're entire perspective on food and life!" will happen for me, too. We'll see. Hopefully I can stick it out longer than 11 days!
• I'm also going to try out this CrossFit challenge I found on Pinterest. It's also 30 days, so, why not? I want to try CrossFit stuff out because it requires minimal (if any) equipment and is something I can do from home. I think I could even probably manage to do some stuff while the kids are awake!
• After the 30 days are up, I'm going to check back in with myself to see where I am and where I want to go from there. Maybe I'll stick with paleo or extend the Whole30 (ha), or maybe I'll try to reintroduce some other foods. The one thing I think I'll really, really need to stick with is eliminating or significantly limiting my refined sugar products. I don't currently keep white or brown sugar in my house, but that doesn't prevent me from buying things with refined sugar in it. 
• Rather than just tracking my weight, I'm also going to do my measurements. I like to see changes, and even though when I do put the effort in to losing weight I don't have a problem doing it (knock on wood that it's still the case now), it's nice to have one more marker of my success. 
• And even as I do track my weight, I'm going to track it a little bit differently. I saw this idea on Pinterest years ago and decided it would be a nice visual for me to see what my goal is and how far I've come to accomplish it.

And speaking of goals, here are my overall weight loss and fitness goals. They're not detailed, kind of like my plan above, but it's a starting point. As I get farther into riding this wave, I think my goals will gain more shape.

• I want to lose 90 lbs. Yes, that much. I currently weigh 230 lbs. and my goal weight, for now, is 140. Losing that amount would put me at a pretty reasonable weight for my frame size, which is large (thanks Dad - didn't get your height, but I certainly got your frame size!). (By the way, if you're interested in figuring out what your frame size is and then your ideal weight for your frame and height, check out here and here. Not a huge fan of the site's name, but they have halfway decent information.) 
• I want to be somewhat athletic. I don't want to do anything competitively, but I want to feel good when I move a lot. I want to not be the slowest or worst at something, either. 
• I wouldn't say no to a little muscle definition, but that's pretty low on my priority list. 

Consummate "before" side view.

That's where I'm at. I hope to add more as I go along, including my stats - I'm going to do my measurements in the next couple of days, right before I start the Whole30, which I should be starting soon. I hope, hope, hope this is going to turn into something I can maintain. I'm really ready to do this. 

Consummate "before" front view.

A Review: The Erin Condren LifePlanner

I am a stationary junky. I love nice paper and pretty graphics. I enjoy a good list and like to have my weeks and months planned out. So, it was sort of destiny that my Erin Condren LifePlanner and I would come together. It is the ultimate (in my opinion) of fun paper products, considering the great designs, the personalization, and just pure functionality. Plus, if you're one of those people who likes to accessorize to the max, Erin Condren's stuff will just do you in.

Earlier this year, I bought my first LifePlanner and was so excited by the prospect. I watched YouTube videos, hunted down blog tutorials, and read just about everything I could about the planner. When the planner finally arrived I was so thrilled, but a small part of me was worried about whether or not I would use it faithfully enough to justify the investment. Well, five months in (I got mine just at the beginning of February), I am happy to stay my planner has certainly seen quite a bit of use and I feel like I'm at a place where I can write a review that is really truthful.

My planner!

One of my favorite quotes, by Lao Tzu.

The number one coolest thing about the Erin Condren Planners (and a lot of her products) is the level of customization available. You can totally customize the cover of your planner AND you can get several covers, allowing you to interchange them depending on mood, season, or just when you're looking to spice things up.  There is a huge array of covers to choose from, dozens and dozens of color combinations, as well as the opportunity to add photos and quotes. I chose to have one of my favorite, favorite quotes on the front of my planner. It's a saying that has been my mantra for the last year or so and I thought it was apt for the front of a planner.

Just a little example of one of the "extra" spaces.

As far as the inside of the planner, I love the layout and the multiple uses. Lots and lots of people like to decorate the planners and create wonderful color schemes and color-code everything, but I'm not there yet. I really do like things just the way they are (though I might implement more of a system in the fall when things start roaring again). There are lots of great little spaces that can be used in multiple ways, besides, of course, the basics of a calendar and then daily spaces. I use, for example, the lines beneath each day as a little mood journal.

So, one of the cool things about the LifePlanner, as mentioned above, is that the covers are interchangeable as well as customizable, but, for something to be interchangeable that means it's able to come off, and sometimes that means coming off when you don't want it to. When my planner is especially full, the cover occasionally comes off. Now, it's very simple to reattach, but this has caused some wear and tear in the lamination along the side of my cover. There's also been some fraying at the corners of my cover and along the edges of the two dashboards I purchased (the grocery list/meal planner and to do list). While this isn't enough to prevent me from making another purchase with the company, it's enough to make me a little peeved and consider a cheaper or DIY option before I open my wallet.

"Frayed" edge of my grocery list dashboard.

So, besides the wear and tear issue, I have one other problem. Shipping. Now, $50 is steep for a lot of folks for a planner, but considering it's custom made, designed and manufactured in America (always a plus!), and it's woman founded and run company, I don't mind shelling out the extra cash for the product. Also, the accessories are pretty reasonably priced and, at least what I've purchased thus far, decent quality. But shipping is expensive. Whatever you purchase you can add at least an extra $8 (more if you want it sooner). With a planner, an extra $8 isn't so bad, but that is the flat rate, so even if you forgot or suddenly decided you wanted to order a less expensive accessory, like pens or the meal planning or to-do dashboards, $8 is ridiculous. I really wish shipping could be organized in such way that smaller orders would cost less for shipping. That would be fabulous!

Now, I just wanted to share a couple of little tips I've picked up from around the internet that I've implemented in my planner:

I really love the dashboards that are available through Erin Condren. One is grocery/meal planning themed, the other is blank, but I use it as a to-do list. Initially I was writing on both with a Sharpie and then wiping away when it filled up or it was time to make a new list or meal plan for the week. While it looked nice, it was a huge pain to wipe off Sharpie (which, by the way, is what's recommended on the Erin Condren website, and the Sharpie does wipe off, just not easily). Then on someone's blog (I cannot remember for the life of me, otherwise I'd link up), I saw them using sticky notes. Brilliant. I love, love, love this and use it on both of my dashboards.

Another neat little thing I've seen is a special use for the perpetual calendar that comes with each planner. See, I don't really have a need for the perpetual calendar - there really isn't that much that consistently goes on in my life, at least not at this point. However, I spotted on a blog (again, I don't remember which one, otherwise there'd be a link) someone using their perpetual calendar as a daily, one line journal. I thought it was a fabulous idea, especially since it's something I had wanted to do in other formats before, but this is just so easy. And if I'm going to order a planner every year it just makes sense, because I'll receive a perpetual calendar with each one. Also, it's good to point out that other people have suggested using the calendar as a thankful journal for each day as well.



Overall, I'm super pleased that I made this investment. I've already ordered my 2016 planner and it should be arriving Tuesday along with a new cover for my current planner a couple of other goodies. I'm so excited (probably more than I should be). I think it really says something about a product and it's design that even despite some of the flaws I mentioned above, I still love and want more of this particular thing. I know that as time goes on, things will only get better, more functional, and more beautiful.

A Review: The Farm

A couple of weeks ago I checked out a few books from the library. I did this despite the fact that I already have an unwieldly pile of books on top of my bookshelf that has been threatening to topple over for months. Oh, but I'm so glad I checked them all out, because they've all been fabulous so far, and The Farm by Tom Rob Smith is the first I've finished.

I heard the author interviewed some time ago on NPR and heard him describe this book. I don't recall exactly what he said, but I remember thinking, "Man, I have to read this!" Then, of course, I promptly forgot all about it until I saw it on the "New Arrivals" shelf at the library. Into my book bag it went.

It really was a good thing I was reading three other books along with it, because otherwise I would have finished it much sooner. It is certainly one of those books one could easily devour and then be sad it's all done, regretting it hadn't been savored (I often feel this way about chocolate, too). But I paced myself and truly enjoyed the adventure.

I suppose The Farm could best be described as a psychological thriller. It's told through the voices of a son, Daniel, who starts off the story and appears as the main character, and his mother, Tilde, who's really the storyteller. The premise is that Daniel's parents have retired from England to a farm in the Swedish countryside, where Daniel's mother is originally from. Out of the blue and some months after his parents have left for Sweden, Daniel receives a panicked phone call from his father saying his mother is "not well" and has essentially escaped from a mental institution in Sweden. Long story short, Daniel's mother appears back in England and says that things are not as his father says. There is a plot moving against her, no one is to be trusted, and he must believe her or be counted against her as well. And so the story begins, Daniel's mother explaining in great detail everything that had happened to her, everything that has convinced her of a vast and dangerous conspiracy taking place in the idyllic Swedish countryside.

While there is not a lot of physical action in this book, and much of the story is almost more told rather than shown, I was still pulled deeply into the plot and characters. I related to Daniel, who can't seem to wrap his head around this drastic changes in his parents, whom he loves so much, but then couldn't help but side with his mother, who comes across as the quintessentially disbelieved woman, the one the men want to shut away and claim insane rather than deal with her uncomfortable truths. 

And this idea of women and their role alongside their men continually pops up as a theme in this book. What fun it was to tease apart those overarching themes about relationships and sexuality. The Farm was light and easy to read in many ways, but it also managed to give me something to think about, which I loved.

I truly enjoyed this book, and would recommend it heartily to anyone who is looking for a solidly good and likely quick read.