Dust Bowl

July, so far, has been a month of flux for me. There are many things in the works and the dust is still in the air.

Some things that are happening:

• Still (mostly) plugging away at the Whole30. Results on that front next week. And I'm starting the 21 Day Fix on the 20th. *Big Scared Grin*
• Graduate school has been applied to, interview had, and acceptance letter hopefully in the mail, along with a financial aid package, likely chock full of student loans. Yay? 
• Spiritual stirrings are afoot. My personal belief system is not something I like to discuss publicly. I will happily talk religion and spirituality, in fairly general terms, all day long, but the depth of my beliefs and how they work aren't something I really like to discuss, at least not in this public of a forum. However, things have been happening my heart, and it would seem dishonorable to not mention them if I'm going to list things that are "happening." 
• My mom and I are working on a project together. We are meeting once a week to work on it. If I say any more my mom will kill me. But, okay, I will also mention it's awesome. 
•  I have started teaching my summer classes. I am teaching a legit, several student, need a lesson plan, have to write stuff on the board math class (if you took a math class with me in high school try not to laugh to hard). I'm also pulling together three reasonably individualized novel studies and trying to get a handful of students through as much of the HiSET as possible before mid-August. God help us all.
• I ran two miles yesterday without stopping. I haven't done that in about a year. I love my body and all it can do. 

I'm looking forward to the dust settling and seeing the lay of the land. Until then, keeping my face covered and hoping for the best.

Everything Floats

The day has been hot and as I fall into the cool water, much, besides my sweat and the ache in my muscles, is shed.

I float. Every bit of me floats, and I smile as I look down. It is dark, the murmur of NPR in the background, and no one can see. In this moment, as I am entwined in my cocoon during my transformation, I love my body. I am allowed to love it, and not because I am alone, or that it is so dark, or because I must, but because I want to. It's an easy love, and I dive back into the water, letting it glide over my skin.

I decide that I am done with the self-loathing. I had told myself to stop this a long time ago, have talked about it, I think even written about it, but this time I know that it's really gone.

It's nice to hear, but I don't need those compliments any more. I don't want approval from anyone. I will just happily wear my skin, my muscles and bones, my fat, and I will love it. I will watch it change, too. I will watch it like one watches a sunrise, in aw of each phase and its beauty, until the sun is fully risen and we can't imagine it any other way.

Yes, everything floats when I'm in the water, but that only makes it easier to see, better to admire.