Feeling a Little Down and Out (Or Up and Bloated)

Last year, at this time, I was in the process of losing a whole bunch of weight. I was approaching the lowest weight I'd been in years. Since then I've gained it all back...and then some. It sucks. I sucks so hard, because I know exactly what my problem is and I can't seem to fix it. I've talked to my doctor, to a nutritionist, and to a counselor and I don't know what it is about my situation that I can't seem to work around. I just want to eat, I want to eat a lot, and I want to eat terribly unhealthy things.

There are days where I wish I could just not eat. Like, not necessarily become anorexic or something, but just get to a point where I could happily sustain myself on air and light, like Human Barbie.

This was meant to be funny, but the more I look at it and read what I've written, I realize it's just kinda sad.

There are days where I wish I could just go live in the woods and live on the land - it'd be substantially healthier and I'd be so inept at getting myself food I'd lose weight anyway.

And I know these are totally unhealthy thoughts, and no I'm going to start starving myself or throwing up or doing anything that is patently proven that I shouldn't, but I reach these moments were I feel terribly desperate for something to change, but I feel entirely incapable, like that I've forgotten how to lose weight, how to treat myself well, and how to care. I'm hoping with the extra time I'll have over the summer I'll be able to find how to do this all again.