Seven Kinds of People You Meet When Camping

The hubs and I have done our fair share of camping since we first got together. We've camped everywhere from way out in the willywacks to places that are really deconstructed hotels, and everything in between. But no matter where you seem to go, there always seems to be those token campers, the kinds of campers that your experience just wouldn't be complete without.

That Kid - You, it's that kid. The one that stumbled into your site about five minutes after you arrived because he noticed your naive friendliness kids sitting in the back of your car. It starts innocently enough; he wants to play with your kids and check out your gear. But then he starts eating your food, and much like in If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, it leads you through a destructive cycle that ends in the somewhat unwanted addition around your campfire 20 hours a day (I mean, he does leave to go to sleep, but it's at, like, midnight, and he'll be back at sunrise). Where is this kid's parents?!

Super Adventure Folks - You only see these people twice a day - at sun up and at sun down. Between those times they are either: hiking the biggest mountain, rafting the gnarliest river, biking the longest trails, or parasailing while performing heart-surgery. Their sinewy svelteness puts you to shame while you eat your eighth breakfast s'more and contemplate the best angle for the sun to be in when you take a nap later.

Sweet Retired Couple - They came in their camper from 1985 and unwittingly wear matching outfits of khaki shorts and some sort of state bird themed shirt. They still hold hands even though they've probably been married for 300 years, and can be frequently see just smiling at each other. Though they keep mostly to themselves, they are pleasant to talk to and smile benignly at your filthy and loud children.

The Bros - The bros come in many forms and ages. Young college guys, old farts who've been doing this for 20 years, or even the ladies' night crowd, exchanging the unending beers for wine spritzers and Mike's Hard Lemonade. What doesn't change is the noise. The screeches and hollers. The random explosions. The smell of grilling steak at all hours. The super loud music. ('80's hair bands are the common thread. Tell me, how many times can you "pour some sugar on it"? Really?) At first, they seem kind of cute (either because they are kind of cute to look at or old people having fun is adorable), but then it gets old. Fast. And you want to go back in time and collectively kill Poison, AC/DC, and Def Leppard.

The Folks from "Away" - Odds on their camper (and it will be a camper) is the biggest and newest at the camp and it will have either Massachusetts or New Jersey plates on it. It will be filled with really nicely dressed people, with really nicely done hair, and they will look lost the whole time. Any time you see one of them, they will have this vacant look in their eyes that says, "Where am I? Did I accidentally buy a time machine that took me back to the olden days? Who are these people? What are these fabric things they're sleeping in? Are they poor? Is this a community of homeless people?" Also, there will be at least one person, usually male, who will ride a four wheeler super fast, everywhere.

The Perma-Campers - You know, the folks with the permanent site, the one they've been renting for the last forty years. On the site you'll see what was once a camper has evolved into a glorious home away from home. There is a small garden and nicely landscaped path leading up to the porch the owner's son-in-law built two summers ago. The porch borders the camper which has at least one addition, and there is a satellite dish stuck awkwardly somewhere, probably a tree. There is a constant stream of people coming and going, usually other perma-campers, God forbid they associate with any of us riffraff.

Mystery Campers - Last, but not least, there are the campers that are never seen. Their tent appears out of nowhere one morning, a car of indeterminate age and origin sits beside their site. You think they must come out at some point, because there's a rotation of items on the picnic table, yet you never see a soul. The tents remain absolutely still, doors and windows completely zipped up, the car never moved. You start to wonder if they aren't traveling vampires who are just staying put in their light blocking tents, waiting until the sun sets to search for their next victim... Or at least that's what you tell you kids before you tuck them in that night. See you in the morning, suckers!! Muahahaha!